Meltdowns

Last weekend I spent a three-day weekend with the girls. Hannah didn’t have school on that Friday, so I decided to take a day off work and spend it with the girls instead of sending her to daycare. I’m glad I did, because we had a blast. We spent several hours at the Nashville Zoo, enjoying the sunny, 60-degree weather. I had fun with my new zoom lens, and Hannah brought a sketchbook along and drew several animals. And after dinner that evening, the three of us went to Third Coast Clay and painted some pottery: a dog for Lily, a bird for Hannah, and an owl for me. I think they like painting pottery with me better than just about anything else the three of us do–and I do, too.

We took it easy Saturday morning, and then went and saw the matinee showing of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in 3D. I’ve decided to stop seeing 2D movies converted to 3D. In both The Phantom Menace and Beauty and the Beast, the 3D didn’t add anything to the viewing experience, it just darkened what were previously vibrant movies. The girls didn’t dig the 3D any more than I did, but they liked the movie. Hannah’s seen all three of the original Star Wars movies, and Lily’s seen the first two, but neither of them had seen The Phantom Menace. They liked Jar Jar (sadly) but really rooted for little Anakin. Lily kept asking me during the first half of the movie, “When is Anakin coming?” and, during the second half, she cheered every time “Ani” did something courageous.

Thanks to the wonders of Daylight Savings Time, it was still light out when the movie was over, so we went to the “secret park,” so named by friends of mine because no one else ever seems to go there. There were a few families there Saturday afternoon, but there was still plenty of room for us to play. Hannah brought along her jump rope and showed me a few tricks she’s learned in jump rope club at school. I was glad to see that she was learning something in the club, because we all have to get up 45 minutes earlier on Fridays so she can go!

When it was Lily’s turn on the jump rope, however, things took a turn for the worse. She seemed fine at first, but I think watching Hannah’s tricks and then not being able to even do the basics herself started to bug her–the curse of the little sister. It started getting dark and a little cold, so I told the girls they could each have two more minutes on the jump rope. Hannah was fine with this, but for Lily, this triggered a meltdown. Screaming, crying, throwing herself on the ground–the whole works. She said something about not having enough time because she kept messing up. I think she was still frustrated at not being able to do what Hannah could do, and having a ticking clock just pushed her over the edge.

I always worry that I’ll lose my temper with the girls when I’m out in public. I know that’s not any better or worse than losing my temper at home, but, of course, something about the idea of other parents thinking I’m a lousy father bugs me. I didn’t lose my temper with Lily there in the secret park last weekend. I calmly told her that she had two minutes just like Hannah, but that she couldn’t have the jump rope at all until she calmed down. She just got louder, so I told her that we were going home. That made her get louder, too, because she knew her chance to use the jump rope was evaporating.

Hannah and I started walking back home, leaving Lily 20 or 30 feet behind us, sitting on the ground crying. She didn’t like that one bit, so she ran and caught up with us, then started hitting me in the leg with her tiny little fist. I told her again that she could have two minutes with the jump rope if she could calm down. This time she did, instantly switching to her “I’m sorry and also very sniffly” voice, asking to use the jump rope. I gave her the jump rope, but told her she had to use it in the parking lot (where we were at that point) and not on the playground. That set her off again!

So Hannah and I started walking again. Same story: Lily continues her meltdown until we get about 20 feet away, then runs up and angrily demands to use the jump rope. Again I tell her she needs to calm down, so she turns down the volume. She’s willing to jump rope in the parking lot now, but on her second jump, she misses the rope… and goes right back into meltdown mode.

This time, I told her that she was out of chances. I ask Hannah to grab the jump rope and I put Lily in the wagon we had taken from my condo to the park. I wasn’t sure that she would stay in the wagon, but she did. I think the fact that I had stuck to my guns and not rewarded her tantrum (with either jump rope time or much sympathy) helped. She was defeated, and by the time we got to the main road leading to the park, she had calmed down completely and was giggling at something or other again.

Lily’s meltdowns (which tend to happen between 5 and 6pm, nap or no nap) aren’t fun to deal with. I think it was a little better being outside, since she can fill up the condo pretty quickly with noise. I didn’t have anywhere to be or anything to do (like prep a lesson for class or cook dinner), which helped me have the patience I needed to deal with the meltdown this time. And I’m hoping that the successful resolution of this tantrum will (a) help Lily learn that she doesn’t get her way by screaming and crying and (b) help me tough it out the next time she blows up. Outwit, outplay, outlast. That’s the key, I think!

Image: “Etna Volcano Paroxysmal Eruption Jan 12 2011,” gnuckx, Flickr (CC)