Binary Life

As a single dad, I lead something of a binary life. Not a double life–I don’t work as a spy for the CIA, at least as far as you know. No, I have a binary life. On the days that Lily and Hannah are with me, I’m full-on dad. And on the days they aren’t with me, I’m full-on single guy.

When I was a married dad, my life wasn’t split into two like this. I spent time with my girls every day, and I tried to spend at least a little time on myself every day. Now, however, when my girls are with me, I don’t have time to think much about myself. As I often remind Lily and Hannah, there’s two of them and only one of me. It’s all I can do most days to keep up with both of them. There’s precious little time or energy left over at the end of the day to spend on myself. Maybe just one 42-minute television show (thanks, Netflix, for the lack of commericals!), and it’s off to bed.

As a result, when the girls are with their mom, I tend to get a little selfish. Sleep, exercise, work, friends, photography, entertainment–I do whatever I need to do to catch up with my obligations and renew my mind and body. Being a parent is the best thing ever, but it’s physically and mentally exhausting. I need to start those days with the girls with my fuel tank filled, and that means using those other days strategically. It might look a little self-indulgent sometimes (four episodes of Dexter in a row? really?), but it’s how I achieve balance in my binary life.

I know there are single parents out there who are full-time moms and dads. I don’t know how they do it. I’m guessing that those who do it well are able to carve out a little time for themselves here and there. I know my me-time is critical, not just for myself, but for my kids. It’s still hard to go whole days without seeing my girls, but I can comfort myself just a bit knowing that when I do see them, I can give them that much more attention and care.

Image: “01010,” Jeremy Brooks, Flickr (CC)