Dads, Leadership, and Intentional Parenting

This week, I was honored to be interviewed by my pastor, Jeff Simmons, on the Men’s Leadership Network, a video series from my church’s men’s ministry. Jeff and I talked about intentional parenting, single parenting, and lunchbox notes, among other things! I’m thankful for this chance to share a few things God has taught me about being a dad, and I hope that other dads find something useful in what I shared.

The interview is up on the MLN website, but you can also watch it right here:

There’s one point I made in the interview that I wanted to expand on here just a little. Jeff asked me what advice I might give married dads. I said that it’s important to take the lead in making quality time for your kids. I shared one example of how I do that, the just-for-fun parties the girls and I have every year. There was the Star Wars party, the board game party, and last year’s art party. Each time, the girls and I spend a few weeks coming up with activities and decorations and food, all tied to the party them. Then we invite a bunch of the girls’ friends and have a great time.

Here’s the thing: We totally don’t have to do this. It’s not a birthday party. It’s a thing I choose to do with and for my kids. Your thing, dads, could be completely different, but my advice is to be proactive, take the lead, don’t outsource all the quality time to your wife. I know plenty of great dads who will show up and be involved when their wives plan something for their kids, and if you’ve got a partner, then by all means parent well together. But I think it’s important to take the initiative and find something you do for your kids that’s all yours.  You know when you pursued your wife, and you came up with fun date ideas for the two of you? Take that same creative energy and apply it to your kids. Find out what they like to do, and go out of your way to make that happen for them.

In his book Wild at Heart, John Eldridge points out that Adam’s first sin in the garden wasn’t eating the forbidden fruit—it was inaction. He stood by silently while Satan tempted his wife.  As men, we still struggle with inaction. We may take the lead at work or on the ball field, but sometimes we are too passive when it comes to our relationships, our families, and our faith. I’ve been learning a lot about leadership lately, thanks to a relationship with a woman who encourages, affirms, and responds to my leadership. Before this year, I don’t think I would have used “leadership” to describe my intentional parenting, but now I see that’s what it is. God has been teaching me how to lead, both in my relationship with Emily and with my kids, and I’ve seen the blessings that result when I do.

I still have a lot to learn about leadership! Dads, I would love to hear what that looks like in your home. And thanks again to Rolling Hills for having me on the Men’s Leadership Network.