Lessons on Fatherhood from My Dad
Father’s Day as a single dad is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I get to spend the day with my girls and they show their love for me in many different ways. On the other hand, there’s no one around to tell them that 5:57 a.m. is a little early for breakfast in bed and a “treasure hunt” around the condo for my Father’s Day gifts. I think their real gift to me was playing quietly by themselves for an hour this afternoon so I could clean my shower. That’s how we do Father’s Day around here.
I didn’t want this day to go by without saying a few words about my own father. Dad passed away seven years ago this August, before Hannah had even turned two. We didn’t get a lot of time to be fathers together, but he is certainly my parenting role model. Here, in brief because my girls won’t entertain themselves for much longer, are a few things I learned from my dad.
- Dad told me once that his job was to take an infant who was entirely dependent on others and, within 18 years, help that child become someone who could live independently. Living independently involves more than being able to feed and clothe oneself–it means being able to navigate the world on one’s own and to make good choices for oneself. I don’t think I was quite there by age 18, but that wasn’t his fault. Dad was intentional about giving me more and more independence as I grew up. He knew that meant that I needed the opportunity to make some bad choices now and again and to suffer the consequences for those choices. But he made sure that those were consequences I could handle. I see my job as a father the same way, helping my girls making more and more choices (good ones, I hope) on their own so that when they leave the nest, they’re capable of flying by themselves.
- Back in 8th or 9th grade, Dad taught my Sunday school class for a quarter. This was a bit awkward, as you might imagine, but I took away one important lesson from his time as my teacher. He told us young men that we can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond to those events. That is, we can have a good attitude no matter what comes our way. This might be the one lesson that most helped me become a happy, contented adult. I’ve had some pretty miserable stuff happen to me. I haven’t always had a good attitude, but when I did, the troubles were easier to bear. Dad had some tough times, too, with job losses and health problems (including stage-four lung cancer), but he kept a positive attitude through it all, looking for the good and trusting God. I’ve tried to have the same attitude in my life.
Dad was incredibly proud of his kids. When he passed away in 2005, I had just moved back to Nashville with an almost-two-year-old and a new job. My brother was married and launching his career. My sister was in college studying hard and making good friends. One thing I remember him saying over and over again during those last months was how proud he was of his children. You could see it all over his face as he talked with and about us. I was blessed to have a father who loved me deeply and wanted the best for me. I want my children to feel the same.
Happy Father’s Day, and thanks to all the dads out there who make such a difference in their kids’ lives. My dad was a blessing to me, and I hope I’m a blessing to my children.